I’m Tired of Being Fat and Nasty!

Do you suck?  Be honest with yourself, do you? 

Guys, are you a flacid little wank, only your not so little on behalf of that big-ass ”dickadoo” you got bulging outta that short-sleeved button down that makes yer JC Penney clip-on look all little and shit?  You all remember what a “dickadoo” is, don’t you?  You know, when a dude’s belly sticks out further than his dick a do? 

Or ladies, are you fat AND loud, and wear low-slung, hip-huggin’ jeans with a fuchsia thong and two inches of back-fat, a half-inch of side-slop, and what looks like white jelly but is in fact an entire extra ass that is hanging off your stomach and over the front of those jeans, which are at least six sizes too small?  

Now, I don’t mean YOU personally, of course, but statistically (and realistically), I do mean one out of every two of you.  Not making this shit up people, we’ve reached the 55 percent mark.  And by 55 percent, I mean that’s how much of the US population is overweight or obese (meaning so fat they are unfuctional.  In other words, can’t wipe their own ass).  What’s even more fucked up however, is that while everybody knows that obesity is the leading cause of everything on the planet, there’s no telling what other conditions most people are dealing with on top of their jelly-rolls and dickadoos; yet I’m wondering if there might be a connection between the above and the $14.7 zillion Pfizer raked in last year.  I also heard McDonald’s didn’t have a bad fiscal year.  Hmm, weird.  Weird my ass!  For fuck’s sake people, it’s time to open up those huge, stankin’ asses, and remove those empty melons.  We need to get a grip, and I think that my proposed solution is going to surprise the piss out of you. 

So pull those pants back up past your exposed ass-crack, and wrap that thong back into the jelly roll it came out of and get relaxed.  I’m actually going to defend (a very few of) you…sort of.  What I mean is that the problems we’re facing in this country are not solely the fault of fat people.  In fact, one of the biggest issues that’s been created is on behalf of the non-obese/overweight population, who have vilified, at times victimized, and have undoubtedly turned overweight/obese people into the overwhelming number one target of discrimination.  People who are fat are discriminated against in ways that many of you may never know, including myself, but the ones who have experienced it will, and it is rampant.  The reason this is happening is because fat people are made to feel that the entire problem is caused by their behavior, and they are effectively being ostracized from higher positions in society at an alarming rate.  Look, I’m definitely not defending the huge portion of you losers who make up most of the 55 percent of you sloppy, lazy, human buttholes, who ironically cannot wipe your own, but the real problem here is socio-economic, and it’s the poor and middle classes, who are the bulk of America, that are getting stuck and fucked when it comes to any type of health/nutrition education, and even if they were given access to the information, they can’t afford to eat that way.  And that, my friends, is not funny.  Especially when considering that the wealthier, educated, upper class are actually getting healthier, in most every place but Kansas City.  Seriously, when looked at closely, it is easy to see the connection that’s being made between ecomomics and health-care.  And let’s certainly not forget the $1 trillion agriculture business of packaged fast foods.  They aren’t exactly dumbfucks when it comes to keeping all you fuckers dumber than the Hamburger Helper box you’re eating out of. 

Think about the people you know who eat fast food (including yourself).  Those people, and you, probably eat fast food most days of the week.  Otherwise, they probably don’t eat fast food at all.  How do I know this?  Because I know the 90 / 10 rule, which states that 10 percent of fast-food consumers are eating 90 percent of the product sold.  It should be fairly obvious.  Most people either eat that garbage all the time, or don’t eat it at all.  So if you are one of the 10 percenters, and you DON’T thing the food marketers are onto you and studying you like a lab rat, then your fat and stupid.   

So what do we do?  Well, there’s more to this story, and then I’m gonna tell you. . . one week from today, in Part II of “I’m Tired of Being Fat and Nasty!” 

So stay tuned my new Frothy friends, and don’t forget to go to www.TrainSmartKC.com to get this week’s free workout, plus other top-notch health and fitness info!