Face Your Fear: Take A Look In The Mirror!
Anyone who claims to be fearless is full of shit. Unless you’re a convicted felon who is serving life without parole, or you’re this guy:
Otherwise, I guarantee you I could find a way to make even the badest-asses urinate down their leg. Not because I’m “likes-to-fight” guy or anything, but because fear is normal; it is necessary for survival. And believe me, whatever fears you possess have far less to do with you being a pussy than those flabby man-tits you’re rockin’.
Seriously though, while fear may be normal, things have gotten just a tad bit out of hand people. And by a tad bit, I mean fucking ridiculous. Factors ranging from financial instability to shit such as the swine flu have brought out the little-bitch in so much of society that we’ve nearly reached the point of paralysis.
It’s scary. It’s bullshit. Most people are fucking sheep, and nobody thinks for themselves anymore. The result: a society that is entrenched in fear, skepticism, cynicism and the puddle of piss you just left on the floor when your boss rolled past your cube. I’m sick of all you fucking whiney pussies who have been so conditioned by what they’ve been told that they are actually willing to do things like strap bombs to their penis and try to blow themselves up on an airplane in the name of Allah (only to have it fizzle out like a wet noodle come go time)! Sound familiar cubicle dudes?
So what’s my point? My point is that when one becomes petrified by something or someone, under normal circumstances, the body is prompted to release cortisol and adrenaline, which shut off all non-emergency bodily functions so that you can put focused energy toward increasing your reaction time. It can also temporarily enhance concentration, and some report a “sense of clarity in the face of danger.” And that’s all great, but that’s not the kind of fear I’m talking about.
Excessive fear is what I’m surrounded by every day, and when put in a heightened state of scared-shitlessness for a prologned period of time, your body gets exposed to too much cortisol, which can impair immunity and may damage the part of your brain linked to memory (like it matters).
Anyway, here are some healthy ways that you can go about dealing with that man-gina of yours, and deal with your excessive bouts of bitchism. Especially you Steve Dave.
- Stop watching the news and reading the newspaper (or whatever you read to get your daily dose of depressing garbage). Periodic breaks from the onslaught of toxicity being spewed through televisions and computers can be much more helpful that one would ever think.
- Exposure Therapy. Remember, I’m a Boner not a Doctor, so I’m gonna let my second favorite M.D., Dr. Andrew Weil take this one: “This form of cognitive behavioral therapy has an impressive track record. In 2008, researchers found a reduced incidence of post-traumatic stress disorder in people who had recently suffered traumas. The process involves introducing patients to the feared object or discussing a situation that causes anxiety–under safe circumstances, and not like the time my cousin ate too much LSD and I told him the demons he was seeing were definitely real, and that he was fucked!–while leading them through relaxation techniques to disconnect the object or situation from the stress response.” Thanks Andy.
- Breath work. This one’s hugely underrated. Deep breathing not only neutralizes fear by slowing your heart rate and reducing stress chemicals, it helps in so many other ways that I suggest you try it sometime.
- Exercise. Guess what a recent study suggests: “Fit people can better handle frightening events.” Shocking, isn’t it?
And finally, my favorite:
- Start smoking pot. It’s good for you, and it’s a hell of a lot safer than Prozac. (And then give me a call when you find some!)
